zoe denmark When I was younger, writing in a journal always made me vaguely uncomfortable. I wrote sporadically, usually compelled by the teenage illusion that anything I recorded was exceptionally Poetic and Important. Consistency was a struggle, and revisiting whatever I’d written in the past tended to make me cringe.
For some people, journaling is orderly, aesthetic, effortless. It’s never been like that for me.
Now you may be asking why I’m recommending a practice that I personally find so awkward, so challenging. Don’t worry, I’m getting to that.
my experience with journaling
The problem for me was that I always assumed that I was doing journaling wrong. My handwriting was, at best, an eccentric artist’s–at worst, a doctor’s. I didn’t add doodles or stickers or lists, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t get myself to write every day. I felt that my writing skills in general were lacking, and that writing about myself in particular was nothing short of torturous.
But, at the root of it, I disliked journaling because I was scared of permanency. Writing makes the past something you can revisit, which sometimes you want, sometimes you don’t. Plus, journaling is all about impressions, and it bothered me that my first impressions were, so often, mistaken. Finding the right words was hard. Finding the right words is always hard.
Over time, my perspective on personal writing changed, and thank goodness for that. I abandoned the quest for perfection–in my choices, my emotions, or my prose. Perfection defeats the entire object. I stopped trying to disown my younger self for saying the wrong things, embarrassing me in retrospect. That’s what being young is for, you’re constantly learning and growing; permanency is an illusion because our experiences will always be defined by gradual personal change. The past is inevitably full of mistakes, but it’s still worth remembering.
Gradually, I realized that recording your experiences is vitally important. Time doesn’t come back around, moments are precious, and your memories will be all the more beautiful because it’s a miracle that they happened even once and they can never happen again.
At Christmas this year, I splurged and bought myself a gift. Surprise! A journal. (It’s a beautiful embroidered journal from Rifle Paper Co. Some could tell you I’d gladly decorate my entire life in Rifle Paper Co. if I could. You can see it and/or buy one for yourself here.) After storing away this Christmas present, still in its plastic wrap, for 6 months, I started writing on the day of my high school graduation, as I had planned.
Since then, I have not written every day. I never planned to. The point of this journal was to record my first year of adulthood, the end of high school, the beginning of college–but without pressure, without expecting some kind of masterpiece. Already, my precious journal has sustained some damage from the places it’s been, but that’s okay. I’m letting go of the need to be perfect, remember?
On my senior trip to Italy, I wrote in my journal every day, determined to remember everything. And I’m so glad that I did. (Future blog posts about the Italy trip? Yep, you can thank the journal.)
things to take with you
So, as you consider starting a journal of our own, here are some things you can think about:
- if, like me, you have the memory of a goldfish, future you will be so grateful that you recorded the moments and ideas that defined your past.
- journaling as an exercise will definitely improve your writing skills, but it doesn’t depend on them.
- you don’t need to write every day to be “successful.” write when you can, or when you want to. it’s just for you.
- your opinions will inevitably change as you get older, and the permanency of the written word isn’t real permanency at all. fear of embarrassment or regret should never deter you from writing.
- journaling takes a lot of different forms, and there is no wrong way to do it.
- journaling is a way of celebrating everything that makes your life beautiful.
I think you’ll find that journaling can change the way you look at your life. It can promote peace, contentment, and a genuine joy in the things you’ve seen, the people you’ve met, and the moments you’ve experienced. I hope you give it a try.
Thank you for reading. Until next time.